We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
