Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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