My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
