Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
