The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
