i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
