i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
