No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize