and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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