So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
