Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
