So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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