this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
vagina is talking i cant
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
