ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
