Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
