Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
