You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
