I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We are all done wearing pants today
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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