I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
