Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
