In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
