Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
