Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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