i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
