You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
