An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
