i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
