How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
