Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
