Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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