Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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