Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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