Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
