he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
