just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My dick has a subreddit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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