first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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