All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
