and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
