I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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