dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
