i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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