Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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