connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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