I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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