forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
