So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
