you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
