I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Me. At least after what I've been through.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
