Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
