It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
