Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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