I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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